Something that I’ve realized is that wholeness (to use your word) feels a lot different than I thought it would. I thought I was supposed to be exuberant - over the top happiness. But honestly, that’s just as exhausting as feeling miserable all the time! They’re both peaks on the emotional scale.
But “wholeness” to me is sense of peace. Knowing that I don’t need anything other than what I have (and what I am in this moment.) It’s having a calm nervous system.