Discover more from Journey Home to Self by Deepshikha Sairam
The Formula, Bleedthrough & Time
Metamorphosis (Part 4)
Divine Mother of All Life
Take me to that place
Deep within your womb
Where I can know no-thing
And be born anew
- Prayer from The Sophia Code
My next 3 lessons from my “retreating” came in quick succession. To avoid turning this series into a novella, I’ll keep these lessons short. I have so much more to say about these profound lessons and perhaps it’ll take me a lifetime to understand them wholly and another to write about them.
They may sound too out there and you may judge me for it. That’s okay. I would’ve judged myself too. And at times, I still do. When my mind makes me think that it could not have been real and I made it up. But, the heart knows.
Whatever you do don’t underestimate the brevity of what I am about to tell you here. Short yes but if you let them, these can be life-changing lessons. Maybe you already have or will experience them soon. Maybe reading about them will activate a knowing in you too. That’s all I care about really
So let’s get to it and start with Lesson # 3.
With Miranda (my inner critic) gone, I was able to reach the point of nothingness in my meditations.
This is a place of Infinite Blackness also known as the Quantum Field. For me, it’s the Cosmic Womb. Here, I am no-thing, no one, no body, no time. This is a place where I am one with The Universe. I am in it and it is in me. So even if I am in nothing, it feels like I am everything.
I know it sounds like a riddle. But how do I explain nothing? How do I explain everything? Words fall short here. Perhaps the only thing to describe this feeling is that I don’t feel I need anything here. Not even food or water. I feel complete. Whole. It’s a damn good feeling.
And, if I have everything I am in total bliss and grateful for every hair on my body.
I mean, I was feeling fucking great. That feeling didn’t end with meditation. I was so happy I started doing things that I normally wouldn’t do.
Like dancing in the middle of the hotel. Belting out my favorite song in the elevator. I am even smiling at strangers.
I sent an “I love you” text to my sister which may have come as a shock to her. But I really did feel in love with everything and everyone.
This is when I notice small, little miracles happening around me.
I thought of buying coffee and the next moment I run into a friend who buys me coffee.
I lose the keycard to my hotel room and miraculously find it without running back and forth to the reception as they suggested.
I am thirsty and someone drops 4 bottles of water in my lap.
I wanted to change the time of my flight. I was told it was sold out and then suddenly one seat appears.
Small little stuff but it taught me The Formula to make things happen for us.
Open Grateful Heart
Playful, Silly, Goofy Demeanor
Being One With Source
Sounds simple, but it’s not. I’ve tried to re-create it since I came home but that’s the thing with this magic. If you’re looking for it, you’ll always be separate from it.
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Lesson #4 is perhaps the hardest to explain. I am still trying to wrap my head around it. But I am not the first one to say it. Any great Spiritual leader will tell you the same thing that I am about to say.
We are all connected.
I know. I know. I know. This is sooo hard to get. How can we be connected? You are clearly you and I am clearly me. And how can I feel connected to that evil person who wronged me or the serial killer serving a life sentence and with those who kill children and rape women?
I know and I wish I had a more convincing answer to this. I wish my mind believed in it fully the way my heart knows it. I wish I was able to explain it to someone like I can explain gravity. But this truth needs to be felt and not understood.
Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh invented the word “Interbeing” to explain the interconnectedness of all things in the universe.
It means we are connected through our actions, feelings, thoughts, and everything else. A sheet of paper, for example, is an interbeing as it is connected with a cloud through a chain of relationships. We won’t have a sheet of paper if the cloud wasn’t there.
The cloud brings the rain, rain brings the trees, trees bring paper through many intermediaries and then we have it in our hand. So to be connected to the paper is to be connected to all the things that brought the paper to life.
How did I come to this lesson in my own experience?
Through a profound out-of-body experience where 3 different individuals were going through the same exact experience but in different ways. What I experienced, the person next to me felt in her body through sensations, and the person next to her heard through words. How can that be?
That 3 individual people, strangers to each other, bleed through in each other’s consciousness without physically moving?
Hit me up if you come up with another answer other than the inter-connectedness of all of us.
Let’s just say that my relationship with time was very Newtonian. I always said “I have no time for this or I am short on time” or “That takes a lot of time, I can’t do it”.
Mornings at our home have been very stressful because kids have no sense of time and as far as I was concerned we were always running out of it.
So Lesson #5 blew TIME out of the water for me.
On my 7-Day Meditation Retreat, we do a long meditation early in the morning at 4 am. The last time I did it, it lasted around 4 hrs. I knew that’s how long it was going to be so I was prepared for it.
At a certain point in the meditation, I started getting very restless. I wanted it to be done. I started calculating in my head how much time we still had left. Somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half, I was gone.
Lights were completely off in my brain and I don’t even know where I was. The next thing I heard was us being called back into the room. My first thought was “Wow they cut this short. It’s only been two hours.”
I got up and took my blindfolds off. The 2 people next to me had left at some point.
We were told that the meditation had lasted 4 hrs 50 minutes!
Since then I noticed time being funny. It felt like we were collapsing and expanding time. I realized I could make my own time. I can make it last forever or cut it short when I want.
Again this is a very meta concept, one which Gay Hendricks did a great job of explaining in his book, The Big Leap. He talks about Einstein Time. The idea behind Einstein Time as Hendricks defines it is “YOU are where time comes from-you can make as much of it as you want!”.
I found this great article with a wonderful animation to explain what Hendricks meant. Give it a try and see if you too can go from Newtonian time to Einstein time. I’ll keep experimenting with this.
I can tell you so far our mornings have been so peaceful and everyone has left for school or work with plenty of time to spare.
Thanks for reading dear reader. Stay tuned for Lesson 6 and 7 coming this week 😘