Courtney Tarrant on How Can We Do "Endings" Better
Coz damn, we suck at that!🎧 Listen (1Hr 2 Mins)
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Fair warning: Grab your tissues for this one!
I cried while I recorded this episode which made editing a nightmare (lotta sobs!) but then I also cried while editing it and more when I heard the entire episode one more time.
Let’s be honest. Endings suck. We hate them. But if you think about it what we hate even more is dealing with the grief and loss that comes with endings.
Why?
Because no one taught us how to do endings right.
Jess Larsen Brennan, my lovely friend and guest on Episode 36 of Journey Home to Self says “We as a society are grief illiterate.”
#Facts.
But we never really understand what that means until we are on the side of grieving. My first experience of how uncomfortable the world at large is with “grief” came when my mom passed away.
The things people would say to me (“At least she isn’t in pain anymore or “trust that she is in a better place”) or turn around as soon as they saw me walking towards them (true story) baffled me!
I understood that my pain was so uncomfortable to them that they could not sit in that discomfort. As if my pain was a raging virus ready to envelop them if they came into contact with me.
That made me think about how I was with people when they were in pain. And sadly I realized that I too was guilty of the same behavior.
When it comes to endings; death, dissolution of a marriage, end of a career, or loss of a friendship — we just do not have enough literacy (emotional or otherwise) to make space for it.
But, what if we could get better at Endings?
What if we bring enough intentionality into our lives to make space for the loss and grief that helps us navigate endings?
This is what this week’s episode on Journey Home to Self is all about.
In this profoundly moving episode, we delved into the often-avoided topics of grief, loss, and the transformative power of endings. Our guest, Courtney Tarrant, shared her intimate journey through the dissolution of her marriage, the passing of her beloved grandfather, and the personal evolution that followed these life-altering events.
“Wisdom is Integrated Trauma”
It’s so hard for me to encapsulate Courtney’s wisdom in a few points here (you gotta listen to the entire episode), but let me try and highlight some of the not-to-be-missed moments:
Courtney shares the significance of honoring relationships with authenticity and respect, even amid endings. Courtney's approach to her divorce, choosing to end the relationship with kindness and integrity, showcases the transformative power of approaching endings with love and understanding. By prioritizing the well-being and dignity of both herself and her ex-husband, Courtney was able to navigate the difficult process of separation with grace and compassion.
Courtney talks about the concept of alchemization, likening the process to turning lead into gold through intense heat and transformation. Similarly, facing endings and navigating through grief can be compared to being in the fire of transformation. It is a demanding and uneasy process, but it is through this process that individuals shed old layers of themselves and emerge as a new and authentic version.
Courtney's story of her grandfather's passing exemplifies the power of being present and honoring the process of death with love and compassion. By being there for her grandfather during his final moments, Courtney was able to have a meaningful conversation and share a meditation with him, creating a beautiful and peaceful transition. This act of kindness and presence not only brought comfort to her grandfather but also allowed Courtney to feel complete and connected in the face of loss.
“Grief is the soul's remembrance of what it is that is important to us. And so it is our, when we feel grief, what we're actually feeling grief for is all the future versions of ourselves and all the past versions of ourselves.”
How honoring “choice” in ourselves and the other person can make the relationships deeper and better.
How being able to honor and have deep respect for the process of transformation and the endings that come with it can give us more compassion and grace for ourselves.
This episode is a reminder that grief is not just about the loss of a loved one but can encompass the loss of dreams, friendships, and our past selves. It's an invitation to honor our complete selves, to feel our grief fully, and to recognize that in the process of endings, we are birthing new beginnings.
Courtney's story is a testament to the idea that endings, while inherently painful, can be approached with intention, kindness, and a deep respect for the relationships and parts of ourselves that we are letting go.
Through her experiences, Courtney has learned to alchemize her grief, transforming the lead of loss into the gold of wisdom.
By giving a 'good death' to our former selves and relationships, we can create space for the new versions of ourselves to emerge authentically.
I hope you’ll love this episode as much as I do. If you do, please subscribe to the podcast and leave us a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review. 🙏
Connect with Courtney:
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast:
How to Do the Work by Dr.Nicole LePera
Listen to previous episodes:
Episode#40 - Finding Freedom in the Liminal Space: Embracing the Unknown.
Episode#41 - Writing Your Way Home: 4 Journal Prompts to Uncover Your True Self.
Episode#42 - Kate Hanley: Finding the Throughline + Lessons From the Liminal Space
Episode#43 - Unveiling The Patriarchy: The Role Of The Divine Feminine
Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you.
Beckoning you Home,
❤️
Deepshikha